EXCITED, EXHAUSTED, "LAZY" AND LONELY

I didn't sleep well last night and I don't know why.  Yesterday was a lovely day.

I drove to a restaurant to meet with a dear friend who I had not seen since high school.

The driving route was familiar to me, so no particular stress there.  The restaurant was chosen partly for its quieter patio seating and menu.  The meeting was pleasant and comfortable, so no stress there.  I enjoyed my visit with her and her husband so much that my smile muscles hurt.  I didn't notice until on the drive back home that I was tense across my shoulders, the back of my neck and my face. From past experience, I recognize this as a result of leaning in and straining to hear in a noisy environment or when more than one conversation is going on around me.

I immediately relaxed my shoulders and neck and face muscles and, when I arrived home, I did nothing but relax with a book, my computer and the TV with my favorite sports teams for the rest of the day.  I have learned that the concentration needed to move about without staggering or falling and to hear is so exhausting that one major thing a day is all I can handle.  A simple lunch outing is a major thing when you have a vestibular disorder.

Knowing that I was to meet a friend for our fitness walk early the next morning...another major thing... I contentedly made my way to bed about 9:30-10pm and tossed until after midnight.  I got up and had a cup of chamomile tea while I read a novel.  I texted my friend in the middle of the night that, because I could not walk on just a few hours sleep, I would not be able to meet her.  I went back to bed and found myself still awake an hour later.  I finally fell asleep only to be awakened by a phone call from my friend who had not yet seen my text.  By the time I put a hearing aid in she had left me a message that she was concerned because I was not at the park.  I listened and called her back but I, too, had to leave a message.  I forgot about the hearing aid, laid back down on the opposite ear and the phone rang again.  I groggily answered, explained, laid down again and, just as I was dozing off, rolled over onto the ear with the aid.  It woke me with a squeal.  I gave up and, though I tried to nap,  have been up and zombie-like for the rest of the day.

I have hobbies, housework, things to do, but don't feel like doing a thing.  This is explained by a psychologist who deals with vestibular patients who think themselves to be lazy and have the fear that others think the same of them:  https://vestibular.org/sites/default/files/page_files/It%27s%20All%20in%20your%20Head_Addressing%20Stressors%20%26%20Self%20Doubt.pdf

Of course, it is easier to just be still and alone with quiet around you, but it can also be very lonely.  Blogging about it is helpful.  Thanks for listening.  💕