I began this blog, not only to educate friends and family about my condition, but to share my experiences with others who may be in the same situation; to give them the comfort of knowing that they are not alone. For those reading it for the first time, while I encourage you to respond with your experiences and advice, I hope that you will read from the beginning and not respond until you've caught up with me on this adventure of discovery. I am learning as I go.
It has been over a year since I wrote my last blog post. (Previous posts are listed from the bottom up to the right. When you click on a date, you must scroll down to read the first one in date order.) I have just continued to adapt the best that I can and maintained the status quo. Recently, however, thanks to clean eating and natural herbal teas and supplements, I have gradually lost some weight and gained energy.
For the first time since this "thing" took over my life, I felt well enough and brave enough to take a trip by myself to attend my grandson's wedding.
Because I am an airline retiree, I have standby benefits but, due to the unpredictability of standby travel, I chose to buy a ticket and, to avoid connecting in the bustle of a large airport, I took a shuttle service to an airport 2 hours away so that I could fly non-stop. I also applied, interviewed and paid to receive a TSA Trusted Traveler number to make going through airport security easier with "PreCheck."
I had a few set-backs to my plans. Knowing my airline has curbside baggage check, I was hopeful to avoid lines at the inside counter. The shuttle driver dropped me along with others at a location in front of another carrier in the same terminal with no curbside bag check and a long hike indoors to my carrier's desk. Then, another long walk to the security checkpoint and another long walk to the gate. Exhausted, I sat at my gate with a cup of Starbuck's tea and relaxed a bit before boarding.
On the drive to the wedding, I was attacked by an allergy and my eye began to burn and tear. After the ceremony, I went to the ladies' room and flushed my eye for a bit of relief. After using all my hanky packs and all the tissues in my son's father-in-law's pocket, a storm rolled in and I felt good again.
I left the reception with my son's in-laws earlier than my son and daughter-in-law who stayed behind to help clean up. While my son's mother-in-law opened the door at the bottom of the sloping lawn and driveway, she asked the little flower girl who was with us to hold my hand and guide me because "...she can't see." This really brought to mind the lack of understanding that others have about what has happened to me. Because "something" has wiped out the pathway from my feet, ears, and eyes to the balance center of my brain and taken most of my hearing with it, as I've said before early in this blog, I have lost the 3 things that the good Lord gave us to keep us upright on this spinning orb. Through vestibular therapy, I have learned to use my eyes "abnormally" to adapt. Most of the time, I am able to do that so imperceptibly that others really aren't aware. Unfortunately, that doesn't work in the dark. I must focus on a point ahead and carefully move toward it. I must take a beat to concentrate before stepping over a curb. I must move my eyes to look before I turn so as not to lose my balance. When it is dark, there is nothing to focus on and nothing to see when I move my eyes. What I need in the dark is a strong support, not a "guide-dog," or I feel like I'm about to fall off a cliff in any direction that I attempt to move. I stood wobbly at the top of the drive (on the edge of a cliff) and waited until she got the door unlocked and the dim exterior light turned on, then I baby-stepped down the hill, thanking my little escort for her assistance.
Returning home, TSA PreCheck did me no good. Although I had paid for the Trusted Traveler number and had "PreCheck" on my boarding pass, the small airport had only one X-ray machine and it is not at the PreCheck line. Because I have a cochlear implant, other small stations without an x-ray have wanded me and patted me down rather than put me through the metal detector. In this case, they made me go to the non-PreCheck line so that I could go through the x-ray rather than the metal-detector. Luckily, although at this airport the security checkpoint handles all airline passengers, the line was not horribly long, but I felt that I had thrown away the money that I paid for the Trusted Traveler number and I was exhausted by the time I reached my gate.
Once I reached my destination airport, I followed the instructions on my shuttle confirmation to go to baggage claim, locate the shuttle counter and check-in. I rushed from one end of the bag claim area to the other and when I reached the disheveled unsmiling young woman in front of the desk she said she couldn't check me in until I retrieved my bag. I told her of my panic that, since the bags weren't up yet, they would leave without me and she just shrugged. I rushed back to the other end of the bag claim area again, waited and retrieved my bag, made a necessary stop at the ladies' room though I was still panicky about time. I did not take the time to buy a bottle of water so that I could rush on to the shuttle area. The driver was 15 minutes late! At least, I had time to relax for a few minutes before we boarded the van. Triple-digit temps in the area and the driver did not offer us any water for our 2-hour drive as the driver on the earlier shuttle had.
I drove home exhausted, wobbly, and not very mindful of my driving but made it safely and collapsed for the night. Will I attempt to travel alone again? Probably. I don't believe any of that would have been any different if I had a companion with me and it made me feel that I have regained a bit of independence.
